oh man.

Recently, I have had a revelation. I don’t need to be married to be successful. Sure, its something that I want in the right timing, but it does not determine my value. My value stands alone whether there is someone next to me or not. I have talents and gifts and character of my own that do not need to be supplemented by someone else’s. I am perfectly capable of doing something great with my life on my own. And so are you.

We all have God given talents and a God given call that is only for us to do. There are things that God has spoken to me that I used to think I could only be successful in if I had someone with me. I’m sure its helpful to have a spouse, but I have realized that I don’t need one. I have God and when I trust Him, I will be successful in every season. I have God and that is so much better than just being married. My God will never let me down. He is with me when I cry at 3am. He laughs with me while I watch stupid YouTube videos and Saturday Night Live. He’s with me on long drives while I listen to really great music. (Lorde, anybody?) He prays with me in my darkest moments and celebrates with me in my greatest triumphs. He is my best friend and I will never need anyone else.

I used to be so obsessed with the idea of getting married. I would think of all the great things I could do once I was married. Traveling. Ministry. Etc. Don’t get me wrong, its a beautiful thing that I hope to participate in with God’s timing. But I have learned not to bank on it. I’m not going to wait around for someone to rescue me. I’m not a princess in a tower with no way out. I have a God who loves me and a plan for me. ME. Not for someone else to have to help me with, but just for me. I spent so much time planning out my unknowable future that I missed what I could’ve been doing right then. (So dumb, right!?) There is so much that God has for us RIGHT NOW. I can do all of those things that I was planning on right now. I don’t have to wait to travel. I don’t have to wait for success. I can have it right now.

I have decided to be joyful in my season. I have decided to work really hard and go after what I want and not worry about the future. God has it. He knows everything and will take care of me always. I don’t need to be afraid because I have an advocate that will fight for me and give me all the opportunities I need. As long as we follow Him, we will never need to worry. NEVER. Trust God. He is going to give you more than you could ever think up in your imagination or plan out on paper. Pray and believe for crazy things. God wants to give them to you. Just do what He says and your life will be full of adventure and success.

for the love of God, just do it.

Today, I found myself in a situation where I was just beside myself obsessing over whether or not everyone was going to like something I wanted to wear. And I realized that I was being STUPID.

I was looking for a new lipstick today in Ulta (a makeup store) and saw this gorgeous dark red one. At first, I thought it looked SO cool, but my second thought was “everyone’s going to hate it because it’s so dark”. I seriously stood there for like 10 minutes just battling it out in my head whether it was worth spending money on something I really liked just to have someone say that they didn’t like it.
I thought it over and realized that I shouldn’t care if someone thinks it’s too dark. It’s none of my business what they think and it’s none of their business what color lipstick I wear. So I bought it. And I love it.

I can get so wrapped up in what I think everyone else is going to think that I totally forget about what I think. I like that lipstick. I like floral shoes. I like wearing all black. I like peach and grey. So what if someone else doesn’t? It’s not their business. It’s mine. We should stop worrying about the little things and just do what we want to do. Be secure in who you are. Wear what you want to wear. Even if no one else likes it. It’s YOUR face. It’s YOUR body. Do what you want.

For anyone that cares, the lipstick is an Ulta Lip Crayon in Daredevil.

we all need somebody to lean on.

So I’m sure not all of you know this, but my mother is having a really hard time battling some serious health issues. She’s been one heck of a warrior and faced some grim diagnoses with more faith and determination than I ever thought could reside in a person.

She’s currently in the hospital Intensive Care Unit. This is her third visit. The staff have begun to remember her and know that she likes her room dark because her eyes are sensitive to light and don’t mind that she yells extremely loudly for them whenever they forget something for five seconds. This is not a good thing. She has become friends with the hospital staff because she frequents this ward of the hospital. I would never wish that on any one of you or your mothers.
(Before you ask, I am okay and my mom is on the mend. Its looking up and I have faith that God will fix this. He’s a good God.)

There are many moments in life that we learn things. When you get a flat tire and realize that you should’ve invested that $50 into a AAA membership. When you fail a test because you procrastinated on studying in favor of getting sushi with your friends. When you can’t pay your phone bill because you bought that really cute watch that you didn’t need. These are just a few out of an unending supply of mistakes I have made and had to learn from, but this time, I’m not learning from MY mistake. Sometimes life throws some awful circumstances at you and there’s just nothing you can do about it but pray and get through it as best you can. After being on the receiving end of these kinds of things for most of my life, there has been one glaring lesson that I have learned from all this. We all need somebody to lean on. (Cue the music!) But seriously. In these moments of oppressing fear and the constant thought of “What can I do?”, we need people. We need people we can call when stuff hits the fan who will calm us down and help us realize that it will be okay. We need people we can call and ask for prayer. We need people who will sit with us and let us cry. We need people who will distract us for just a moment and let us see that the whole world ISN’T imploding. I don’t know about you, but when bad things happen, my favorite person is the one who makes me laugh. I NEED comic relief like I need oxygen. I can’t stand just feeling sad and hopeless. When someone makes me laugh, it lifts the depression and makes room for hope. In joy, we find strength.

Two years ago, my mom was in this exact hospital, in this exact ward, just a few rooms down the hallway. It was the first time I realized that she was sick in a major way. I thought she might die. Everyone did. We made plans preparing for the worst. But then my friend Cindy Johnson called. I had told her that my mom was sick and she asked if I needed anything. I said, “Chipotle.” And she came with our food and sat with me in my mom’s room and we ate and we talked and I cried and we laughed. I had been struggling to have faith for healing for my mom. I had been praying, but it was more pleading than declaring. When Cindy brought joy along with that Chipotle burrito bowl, I could see through the diagnosis and truly have faith. My mom walked out of the hospital 6 weeks later.

We need this. We need people. You can’t go through it alone. You just can’t. So when things happen, don’t be shy. Don’t think “I’m bothering them.” If you have to, be a little selfish. Call at 3am if you are just not okay. Do what you need to and don’t apologize for it. Its okay.

As your friend, I love each and every one of you dearly. I would be happy to be there for you when you needed it. You just have to pick up the phone.

Huge ‘thank you’s to the people I call when stuff hits the fan: Anastasia Fomenko, Shomari Patterson, Cindy Johnson, Joy Severin, Saxon Koyman, and the rest of you I’m forgetting. Forgive me, I’m human. 😉 Thank you for letting me cry. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for reassuring me that the sun isn’t going to explode and destroy our galaxy. Thank you the most for making me laugh. I love you dearly for that.

gummy vitamins.

My dear sweet vitafusion brand gummy vitamins,

Thank you for existing! As someone who needs to take a plethora of vitamins daily to continue feeling human, I appreciate how easy it is to just enjoy your ‘natural berry flavors’ every morning. Instead of struggling to push six sizeable pills down the back of my throat while trying not to gag, I get to have a little snack when I wake up. You are delicious, albeit a little gritty sometimes, but that’s okay! You are wonderful, my dear!

Another thing I love about you is that you are so versatile! You are for women, men AND children. I especially enjoy the ‘energy, metabolism and bone support’ version. You prepare me for old age and fight against my future case of osteoporosis! Thank you! You are valiant!

I appreciate that you are even an “excellent source of vitamin D” to cover for me on those days when I just stay inside and lay around. Your calcium edition covers for the milk I don’t drink! The Biotin flavor makes my hair long and strong. In short, you cover my butt for all the unhealthy things I do and make sure my body is fed what it needs daily. You are easy to chew and taste wonderful. I am so happy to have you in my life. You complete me!

Forever yours,
Samantha

Contains tree nuts (coconut).
Processed in a facility with products that contain egg, fish, shellfish, soy and tree nuts.
MADE IN THE USA

comparison.

CAUTION: I’M ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING HORRIBLY CLICHÉ.

You do you, boo-boo.

In the wise words of Shailene Woodley, “No one can do you like you can do you. No one can do her like she can do her and no one can do him like he can do him.” You see, we are each our own little constellation made up of the things we like, the things we don’t like, the weird things we do, the experiences we’ve had and every little thing in between. We are unique no matter how hard we try to fit in and be just like everyone else. The thing is, we can’t be just like anyone else because we simply aren’t anyone else. We are ourselves, so let’s be ourselves confidently.

“No one can do you like you can do you.” Let’s explore this a bit, shall we? No one else is exactly like you. No one else has seen the exact combination of struggles you’ve faced. No one else likes all of the same things you like. So what if you love waking up early in the morning? I don’t like to do that, but why should that stop you? So what if you like to play video games into the wee hours of the night? Your mom might not like that, but why…oh. Well, maybe we should listen to our mothers…. but the point I’m trying to reach is that if someone doesn’t like all the things you like, then it isn’t the end of the world! We can all still be friends!

Now, on to the real hard hitting stuff.

Comparison is a little sh**. It nags at you before you go to sleep. It creeps up on you when you’re with friends. It lurks around the corner when you’d least expect it and it will always be there unless you tell it to go away. That’s right. You heard me. You can tell it to go away. You don’t have to compare yourself to the girls you see in the magazines. You don’t have to compare yourself to the guy you work with. We go through life with abundant opportunities to tell ourselves we aren’t good enough. We can look at someone else and say,”I can’t sing as well as she can.” “I’m not as smart as he is.” “She can do that better than I can.” It doesn’t matter if you can do something any better or any worse than someone else. What matters is whether or not you did it.

Don’t ever compare yourself to another human being. Do what you do the best that you can and leave it at that. Just know that you did it and that will always be enough. Maybe not by someone else’s standards, but who cares about their standards anyway?

loving.

Sometimes I wonder if it is possible to love someone too much. Not love in the romantic use of the word, but as in the expression of the feeling. I know that it isn’t possible because God’s love is infinitely larger than my love will ever be. But in comparison to the love I feel from others and see expressed by others, I feel as if sometimes my expression is too much, too grand. “Oh, you don’t have to do that.” “That’s okay, I can do that myself.” “Oh. Thank you. *awkward silence*” I feel as though society has set a limit to how much love you can dole out to a certain person. Like there’s a level of appropriateness to how much you should love a friend. (I’m not talking about HOW we love them because that CAN be inappropriate, but that’s a whole other ball game.) I realize that although this might be true, it certainly shouldn’t be. Who is to say how much we should love and care for people? Who gets to tell me that I shouldn’t care for people in such and such a way? Certainly not you.

I don’t see people in certain categories. “She’s an acquaintance, so I can get away with just saying ‘hi’ and not returning her texts.” My goal is to love everyone the same: with my whole heart. Not bits and pieces based on how amazing I think they are. I don’t care if I just met you, if your car broke down and you need a ride to work, I’m going to pick you up. I want everyone to receive just as much love as the next person. No limits. No pre-set amounts.

Expressing our love is just as important as feeling love towards someone. It is the natural response. If we don’t let people know how dear they are to us (with simple things, I’m not talking about grand gestures), then we can also help distort their perception of how much they are loved. They can be the most loved person in the world and never know it. If we love someone just as much as we say we do, then why do we have such a huge problem showing it? Don’t let someone else dictate how much you express your gratitude for your friends.

I also think that sometimes we can put a limit on the love we allow ourselves to recieve. If we don’t let other people love us, then we are setting the amount of love we allow ourselves to recieve. By saying things like, “Oh, you don’t have to do that.” when someone is trying to help you, we are not allowing people to care for us even when they genuinely want to. We all need to realize that we are worth caring for. We are all able to be loved. So stop stopping people and just let them love you, damn it!

treasures.

I know now that the most valuable things in life are love, the presence of God (who is love), friendship (another form of love), freedom (which is given in love), and joy (an outward expression caused by love which is felt). Of all the “valuable” things this world has to offer, the only truly valuable things are that which are not seen with the eyes and sometimes not even felt with emotion, but somehow are always there. These treasures of the life I live are given to me by God who is the embodiment of all these things and because I possess these great treasures of life, I am among the richest people in the world.